The Vinyl Tribunal

What it is

This site decides whether a vinyl record belongs on the turntable or under your drink. Every ruling arrives stamped, scored on seven metrics, and backed by legal fine print. The court has its biases, and it makes no effort to hide them.

How it works

There are three ways to put a record on trial.

Get a Judgement. Search an artist, pick the album from a MusicBrainz dropdown, or upload a photo of the sleeve. The court returns a listening score and a coaster score.

Settle a Feud. Two records, one verdict. Choose from 28 rivalries on the docket. Six have hand-written rulings.

Today's Case. One record a day from a pool of 192, the same one for everybody, with a streak to protect.

A record gets the same ruling every time. Appeals are meaningless and all verdicts are final. On top of the scoring sit the court's standing orders: Drake, J. Cole and the Beatles are always coasters. Hendrix, Marley and UGK are protected. Kendrick always beats Drake. Albums with critical consensus from Billboard, Rolling Stone and BestEverAlbums get a boost, and anything Dissect has covered starts from a higher floor.

Every verdict has its own link. Copy the text, save a share card, or embed a badge on your own site.

Under the hood

Built with Claude. Hosted on Netlify.